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Musing for the Day: Google.gov and Our Dystopian Corporate Future

October 16, 2013

The other day when I was tired, I made something of Freudian slip and I typed “google.gov” into the web search box. That led to this little train of thought. So, in light of our federal government’s impending collapse here in the U.S.A. (thanks Tea Party!), let’s take a look at some of the possible dot-gov’s in the coming Dystopian Age we’re creating.

This is what happens when I haven’t blogged in weeks and I start writing around midnight after not getting enough sleep the night before. Happy Wednesday!

Google.Empire.Earth

Following the dissolution of Congress, Google quickly declared both its independence as a sovereign nation and its intended “annexation” of all recently disenfranchised U.S. states. Google’s Android Army™ swiftly overpowered all resistance in the northwest and spread their sphere of domination eastward. Within months, the Great Lakes territories and New England region had all been assimilated.

Citizens of the dot-Empire have the right to unlimited free information, but this comes at the cost of being legally required to view all advertisements directed at them. Wealthier citizens may of course pay a premium user tax to avoid this.

iChurch of the Holy Apple

Though the Siri mother-brain proved to be no match for the processing might of Google’s Cloud Collective, the iChurch was finally able to mount a successful defense with the placement of the iPlasma Cannon into orbit above the contested territories. The Droid Army’s relentless advance was halted, and the Holy Council of Geniuses took advantage of the respite to establish the Doctrine of St. Steven as divine mandate among its citizens.

Though their graphical presentations may be nothing short of miraculous, outsiders often question the iChurch’s draconian policies towards non-Apple technologies. Some have even gone so far as to claim that adherents to the Faith have in fact had their minds enslaved by the “Jobs Virus”. Proof of the virus’s existence, however, has eluded the iChurch’s critics to this day.

The Microsoft Nation in Exile

During the iChurch’s five-year Purity Crusade to rid its borders of all Windows users , attempts were made by Microsoft devotees to organize a resistance. Unfortunately these resistance groups lacked organization and cohesive leadership. Entire resistance cells would often shut down operations for no apparent reason, only to slowly start up again in the same area. Ultimately, the Purity Crusade was quite successful.

Today, the few remaining Windows users, many of them refugees from Apple’s purges, live on reservations generously granted to them by  wealthy Google Empire citizens. When leaving the reservation, these pitiable souls are required to identify themselves at all times by means of a Windows symbol pinned to their clothing in a conspicuous location.

China

China is still China.

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