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Some People Smarter Than I

August 26, 2015

Please, shed no tears for my poor neglected blog. I assure you, it’s more emotionally hardy than it looks.

Not surprisingly, after letting this blog go for more than six months (seven? eight?), hardly anyone showed interest in the silly piece of flash fiction I posted two weeks ago, which was basically inspired by an internet meme from the 90’s. That’s fine, since I really wrote it down just to get it out of my head. (And stay out, you!)

I haven’t been sitting around on my ass during this time away from blogging. Work continues on The Liberators (I’m still hoping to come up with a better title), and I’ve assigned myself the goal of finally completing a first draft before the end of the year. Hey, they’re my goals, and I reserve the right to be as unrealistic about them as I choose.

There was also the amazing trip to Australia with my wife back in April-May. I got to see a live cassowary in the wild! I got to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef! I got to hold a wombat! I got to watch my wife be mobbed by kangaroos! Sure, they mobbed me too, but it’s more entertaining to watch a bunch of kangaroos surround someone else and pester them for the bag of kangaroo feed that they’re carrying.

Anyhow, it’s quite a nice continent they have down there. Select pictures and videos may be forthcoming to this spot. Maybe.

For now, how about some writing that inspires writing? Here’s some folks whose recent blog posts makes me feel more like writing (and less like doing the work I currently get paid for).

Sacha Black: Nine Secret to Successfully Completing That First Draft 

Can you tell why this post struck a chord with me?

Chuck Wendig: I Smell Your Rookie Moves, New Writers

Good o’l Chuck Wendig. His blog terribleminds is chock full of ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners pep talks. And they’re compiled into e-books for sale as well. (Just follow the links.)

Kristen Lamb: What Went Wrong with Season 2 of “True Detective”? Cautionary Lessons for Writers

Kristen Lamb analyzes the most disappointing elements of this last season of True Detective, and turns it into a cautionary tale that all of us storytellers can benefit from. I pretty much have to agree with her assessments.

For some reason, a well-written article about what not to do, or the difficulties of writing professional-quality work, often inspires me to put my but in the chair and force the creative brain juices into my typing fingers. I’m not sure I care to analyze why that is.

While I’m at it, I suppose I should also link to the Ditch Diggers podcast, wherein professional writers Mur Lafferty and Matt Wallace discuss the trials and tribulations of writing as a career. Their episodes will either give you something to look forward to, or make you depressed. It probably depends on where your outlook is to begin with.

And now, let me leave you with this awkward image of me grinning like an idiot and holding a wombat.

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Ninja Ecology [Flash]

August 12, 2015

“A common misconception about Shinobus furtivus,” the biology professor began, “better known to most of you as the Greater Ninja, is that he is a mammal. In fact, this is only partially true. Ninjas are monotremes, which both lay eggs and nurse their young in the same fashion as the Duck-billed Platypus and Spiny Echidna.”

Ichiban had heard enough. He could not allow this careless old fool to spill his clan’s secrets to a lecture hall full of students. He took aim with his blowgun and envenomed dart from his hiding spot in the rafters.

The professor continued, “and so, another commonly held opinion on Shinobus’s lethality is found to be-.” The professor stopped abruptly, a dart embedded in his forehead.

The students gasped.

Ichiban allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief as he crawled his way, still unseen, into the ceiling air duct he had used to enter the hall. For at least another season, his wives’ egg clutches should be safe.

Belatedly

December 24, 2014

Even if I’m waaay late, I’d still like to say congratulations to everyone who completed a novel in November. I didn’t (as I predicted I wouldn’t), but I did write [some number] words of a story that I might not have otherwise, and completed an outline for a novel that I will return to in the future.

The break from my more serious project did me some good. Since December 1st (oh, alright, really since the third) I’ve been making some real, measurable progress on my wasteland novel. It’s now titled The Liberators. I began to hate that title the moment I wrote it down and will be looking for something better. That’s the way it goes, I suppose.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a happy last day of Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, a jubilant Kwanzaa, and a hoppy new beer! Or that you at least get to enjoy a day off work. I’m already sick of Christmas carrols and will be turning up the Rob Zombie the next couple of days. (Reminder to self: buy a Rob Zombie album.)

If you’re stuck in a ‘bah humbug’ funk, I suggest listening to this oldie-but-goody episode of the Drabblecast, featuring an “update” of a classic holiday poem, and a story by Tim Pratt about holiday-related crypto-zoology.

How can you go wrong with a story that has an illustration like that?

The Curses/Blessing of November

November 13, 2014
Yup.

Yup.

NaNoWriMo is kicking my ass this year. (And naturally I feel the need to declare that publicly. Because.) Even though I got off to a decent start (by my standards), I haven’t been able to maintain the pace, which wasn’t especially fast to begin with. Try as I might for the next 17 days, it’s looking like I may very well not finish in time. It’s just a tad frustrating, because I’ve successfully finished before. It just wasn’t during NaNoWriMo proper.

November is a tough month for trying to write every day, let alone 1,667 words every day. There’s damn good reason that the last time I tried this, I chose March. I mean what the hell ever goes on in March? (Ok, I had two friends get married in March this year, but that’s about it.)

Add to this, I’ll be attending LosCon at the end of this month. So, that big holiday weekend following Thanksgiving that all those more sensible NaNoWriMo participants will have for finishing their novels just before the deadline? That’s a Saturday and probably most of a Sunday I won’t have.

Writing on Thanksgiving? We’re hosting a family/friends dinner in our apartment. (Don’t ask me why.) Slim chance of having any keyboard time that day before the food coma settles in.

I’m not giving up in the slightest,- don’t make that mistake! A 50,000-word book is not an end goal. Only a milestone. This latest book is one I’ve wanted to write for while. I envision it as the beginning of a series. It will have a life beyond this month regardless of the wordcount on December 1.

Besides, you can’t really “lose” a contest where your only competition is yourself. For now, I will keep plugging away (when possible) and try to leave as much brain juice on the page as I can squeeze out before midnight on the 30th.

If you’re doing NaNoWriMo, feel free to leave your own laments, complaints, or whatever in the comments. (Misery loves company and all.)

Here, Have a NaNoWriMo Excerpt

November 5, 2014

As my country votes resoundingly for two more years of pissing into the wind, I find that I’m glad that I’ve chosen to write light-hearted fantasy this month. Working on my darker, more dystopian book would just feel a bit, I don’t know, too much on the nose maybe?

Anyhow, here’s a little excerpt of what I’ve been writing. This is rough, rough draft material, filled with excess for the sake of wordcount, and in the NaNoWriMo spirit, I will be trying my damnedest  to avoid revising until after Nov. 30. World, meet Valyssa, one of the Three Scholars.

Val paid her coin for the booth in the water merchants’ tent, and made herself as comfortable as she could on her makeshift couch of old tattered pillows. Since her flight from Larh, acquiring enough money for food and basic needs had not been a serious problem. In the two weeks time it had taken her to find her bearings in the villages of the Fringelands and join a caravan to traveling to the Tents of Xel, she had been able to find short-term work first as an interpreter for a Gedlander merchant, then as an identifier of salvage from one of the many dig sites at one of the many ancient villages that were found along the Fringelands caravan routes. Her knowledge of spoken Geddish was rough (her accent was atrocious, she was told), and most of the salvage had been scrap barely fit for recycling (a box of ancient pistol ammunition and a tarnished silver necklace were the notable exceptions), but combined with the money her father had provided her with, she had been paid well-enough to eat, drink, and rent a riding gecko for her trip to the oasis town she presently found herself in.

Val was thankful that some of the esoteric knowledge she had been forced to accumulate in her life actually had a practical value outside the walls of Lahr. The rural Fringelands that separated the city-states of the Civil Coast from the wild Madlands were constantly being traversed by those seeking to profit from the knowledge and treasures of the Earth’s obscure past civilizations. This happened to be something of a specialty of the religious orders headed by each of her parents. These skills also enabled her to perform just enough research to learn that an Inokian vault had been located some months ago in the Madlands, not far from the Tents of Xel. Without having any other vector to pursue, it seemed as good a path to follow if she was to attempt to aid her family in any way.

The worst part of her flight from Larh had not been fear of providing for herself, except in the very beginning. But after the paralyzing terror of her first night camped outside the walls of Larh alone (in a storm no less), Val resolved to enjoy her freedom. It certainly seemed to her that it would be temporary. Her father, and especially her mother, were masters of their city’s political scene. How long could their persecution possibly last?

Val considered the worst parts of her last two weeks to be a dead toss-up between the lice she acquired from the inn she had stayed at on her second night, and the lusty leering advances she had to endure from the men of questionable hygiene she had encountered on her travels. It was enough to make her reflect fondly on her Kellian, even as she remembered how stoic and boring he could be.

The Tents of Xel, an oasis town settled by a tribe of nomads who one day decided that an oasis was a suitable place to change their lifestyle, and now named for it’s de facto mayor, had proven to be the least civilized place Val had encountered yet. Which she supposed made sense, considering its location. Quickly discovering that her previously profitable talents were less in demand here due to local competition, she turned to her skills in mathematics, particularly her knowledge of statistical probabilities. She knew that some on the losing side in a game of chance might consider her use of these skills to be cheating, but, she reasoned, that was only because they were on the losing side.

I’m only about 3,000 words short of today’s target wordcount. If I can avoid falling farther behind, I’ll be in good shape.

How’s your November going?

NaNoWriMo Is Nigh! (Yup, I’m In.)

October 30, 2014

Participant-2014-Web-Banner

It’s not official if I don’t make the announcement somewhere. For those of you also participating, you can find me over on the official website for National Novel Writing Month under the name ‘Garrett am Writer’. (Garrett W. and it’s variations were apparently taken.)

Structuring writing time is always a challenge for me, so I’m looking forward to NaNoWriMo to give me some momentum, even if it’s short-lived. The Wasteland novel is being put on hold temporarily. Instead, in just 30 days, I’ll be endeavoring to complete my science-fantasy “Madlands” novel that I’ve been planning. I’ve got a far future Earth setting, I’ve got my main characters, I’ve got my central conflict, and I’ve got lots “candy-bar” scenes in my head (the scenes you most want to write). I’ve got one character that was inspired by a rabbi from the Babylonian Talmud, and another character inspired by a Judas Priest song. (No, it’s not the Green Manalishi, but that would have been my first guess too.)

Do I completely know what the hell I’m doing? Of course not, but that’s part of the fun. Is November going to be full of unavoidable distractions? You bet, but knowing me I will still likely be the cause of most of my distractions. That’s way it goes. I’ll try to update this blog with a weekly post or two while pursuing this mad quest, but as usual, no promises.

Let’s do this thing already!

Also, lest I forget to mention – have a happy Halloween everyone! And remember, he who dies with the most candy, still dies.

Wishful Thinking: My Choice for a Deadliest Warrior Match-up

October 29, 2014

Even though it’s been three years since Deadliest Warrior failed to earn itself a fourth season, I still get a little bummed out when I think about all the great historical match-ups that we’ll probably never get to see portrayed. Sure, the show was kind of cheesy, the first season took serious liberties with history and science, and had weapon “experts” who didn’t know the first things about their weapons, but it was always fun to watch. It gave history and martial arts nerds plenty to hypothesize about and to criticize.

If I had my choice of historical generals to match-up for a new episode? I would have to go with

Gustavus Adolphus, the king of Sweden who turned his nation into a military powerhouse and wreaked some serious havoc during the Thirty Years War at the beginning of the 17th century,

vs.

Oda Nobunaga, the ruthless samurai warlord  who paved the way for the unification of Japan in the late 16th century (and who would have most likely succeeded if he hadn’t been betrayed by one of his allies ).

Think about it. Both men lived, fought, and died within 100 years of each other. Both men ascended to power at age 17. Both are responsible for outright massacres of civilians. And the firearms used by both armies should be fairly comparable in terms of range and reload times (I think). How close to call would that battle be?

So tell me fellow history nerds, who would you pick to win a five-on-five squad battle led by these two generals? How about a 100-on-100 battle? 1,000-on-1,000?

Yes, you are allowed to do some research first.

 

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